Over the last 9 months, I have changed some things in my life which have made me much happier, content and more peaceful. I have done this by changing who I choose to spend my time with and who I don’t. The people we choose to spend our time with have a huge impact on how we feel, what we think about and how we choose to act. Most of us are influenced and impacted by what people say to us and how they behave towards us. I’m sure you have heard the quote ‘you are the average of the top 5 people you spend the most time with’
So in the last year I decided to end some of my longest friendships, which wasn’t an easy decision. I was sad to end some long-term friendship’s with people who were once a great support and who I shared many happy memories with. However, I realized that certain people in my life were bringing me down with either their negativity, judgmental comments and views or I found that I no longer had anything in common with them any more and I no longer enjoyed their company. People change and grow and not always in the same direction.
I found that I was spending time with people who were having a negative impact on me. I also realized that I allowed people to talk to me in a certain way that some times wasn’t acceptable and I allowed their comments and views to impact how I felt. I decided it was time to take control of this situation. It may sound harsh and selfish but on reflection I did the right thing and I am much happier and more content with out those friendships, although it was a hard decision at the time I listened to my gut instinct.
I have come to appreciate what I value most in a friendship and my relationships with people and the importance of taking control of how I spend my time and who with because it affects me.
I have also started speaking up when some one says something to me that isn’t ok, whether it’s a negative comment, feels judgmental or it feels unpleasant to hear, I just let that person know how I feel about what they just said. This includes my parents and family members. I can’t tell you how good it feels to take control of my environment and to speak up about things that make me feel uneasy or judged.
I have to admit the decisions I’ve made haven’t all been intentional, but on reflection I can see I have just started to listen to my inner self and act on those feelings. I have tried to make sure I approach these things with care for the others feelings and as a result I have also experienced a closer bond with friends and family members from speaking up, it creates a more harmonious relationship when there is a more open and honest level of communication.
I have also made more of an effort to spend time with the people that do add value to my life on all levels. But it isn’t all about me; I have tried to be a better friend, making sure I am present, listen and encourage those I love to be the best version of them self.
Things that I have learnt:
1. Stop wasting time. By making sure that I spend time with the people who I enjoy there company and add value to my life. To stop spending time with people who bring me down, judge me or bring general negativity into my life.
2. Make time, to spend quality time with those I love, value, inspire me, make me laugh and support me. So I don’t arrange to fit someone in to my schedule after a long day where I have nothing left to give some one.
3. What do I value? I have thought about what I value in friendships and who I value having in my life. I try to be the best version of myself, and give a friendship or relationship what I expect in return. It works both ways.
Every person lives according to his or her highest values. Your life demonstrates your true values through your perceptions, your thoughts, your decisions, your actions, your time allocations, your financial spending, your focus, discipline and achievements. Don’t try to change your values or act in accordance with some one else’s values because of outside influences. Be true to yourself and you’ll find you are much happier.